performance bonus =)

Today after the sports meet, all of us have to hit back camp to collect our performance bonus. It was a solemn ceremony, where Boss will give out one by one. after i open up my evelope, i saw, LTA KENNY TEO you have been awarded with one month of performance bonus!! steady la, got extra money liao... he hee.
It also brings up a point for everyone to ponder about, poeple in the army has been given performance bonus regardless of merit or achievements, as in no matter what you do, you will be given performance bonus, as long as you dun get charged or any silly mistakes. Howver there will be a certain amount that did exceptionally well, they will be given more. That exceptionally well, must really be exceptionally well.
i seen people doing nothing getting it, people who sweat it out for it. So who is to judge those people who did nothing and still get it?? i think only those people
themselves can judge it.
At least now i touched my heart and say aloud that i earned this through my hard work, and i am proud of it. so who will question and judge me?? =)
well got to go now, american idol is now, its 2150hrs now

Regards
dreamwaters

Know where you stand... =)

Just came back from a 400m run.... a atheletics meet of the formation. I was just carrrying a mentally that i am not a bad runner, so probably i wouldnt be the last few in the HEATs. When the runners gathered at the start point, i start to get pressure, all not bad huh, got spike shoes, looing damn pro, "ji pai si liao" then i recall a moment ago LTC seah was asking me, kenny how?? the event later?? I told him Sir i try not to be the last. He replied aiya havent run say lost. how to win? i was like eerrrrr. i was in lane 6, when the buzzer goes, everyone started running... i was still within the crowd at the 200m mark, after that people started to run past me, one by one. By then my legs also numb already, tyring to run harder... but to no avail... its like the shit is coming out of the hole soon, that kind of feeling. Hell man, it was really one of a kind feeling. When people started running past me and touching the finishing point, first time i see the finishing line getting farther and farther away from me. When it ended, i can feel my body giving away, its worse than 2.4km. weylingw was wishing me good luck yesterday, somehow after this incident i have learnt that Luck is important, but first the skill and ability must be acquired first.
Also you must know where you stand, like what all chinese say, take a weighting machine and see how much you weighted. But we must also however not to be bounded by this thinking, a famous person also say this before, i can remember who... "if you think you can win, you can, if you th ink you lose, you will"
Not to forget, if you belong to the last few, don't think you can become first overnight. All are training involved. I did't trained but just too bad they are too good for me. By the way, i am second last if you guys are wondering =) and don't laugh god damn it!!!!
Now goin dinner with CPT Low, today also Jiafu bday, they say they wanna try the baffurlo wings... god bless them all. its 1800hrs now... gonna go.

Regards
dreamwaters

Good husband n Son in Law

Derrick is getting engaged in the end of the year, he has got a house with Sally so its a government thingy that they haf to get engaged within half a year. Sally seems to be wonderful lady, at least from what i see and Derrick is also a responsible man, so i would say that they are a perfect couple. Then i started looking at myself, am i ready to make a commitment as big as this?? am i ready to accept someone as my second half?? Seriously, i dont know!!
So in search of the answer, i started asking around, in my mind i was thinking, what makes a good husband or son in law?? i think that would be able to gear up my mental. i approached the Darth of the dark side, Darth Simon, he told me 3 points to be a good son-in-law as quoted by simon Quah
- must be pleasant looking
- must have back bone
- treat their daughter well
So i checked back to my example, Derrick Tan. Oh , he is good looking, not to mention pleasant looking, such a understatement. Backbone?? yeah he has a career to work towards to. Treating Sally well?? at least from what i see, unless there are things that we aint supposed to hear and see... =P So can i conclude that Derrick will be a good husband and son in law??
So much for being such a busybody, my life is in a big mess, had so many useless and time wasting relationships, at least that one with the nurse is. Even have problems accepting someone in my life. Maybe its just my luck, maybe its is just fate that i met her. maybe it is just ME!!! what to do... some times its better to blame myself than to blame others for my misfall. There were nice ladies coming into my life, but maybe because i am not ready for them, and they left as i did not gave them a chance to know me better. What a loser!!! now i am asking myself this question everyday. AM I READY??? how about someone who know me well give me an answer, willing to pay good money for it.....=) like a advertistment in MIRC haha any man wans a sexy boy?? good money??
It could also be a question of confidence, the 3 criteria for a good husband, i dun think i fit into any of them, they are so vague, to be a good husband to it, it also means a secure life, stable job, all these are the tangible things that i think should be the main factor for a good husband, Its sounds very materistic, but would a man who loves her so much that he wanna let her suffer together with him, at the very least for me, no. Not to mention the kid, i sure don't want him to be like me, the same time i hope that he will not become a spoilt brat, i would like to let him have a secure life, studies, to the very best i can do. Imagine a family everyday discussing about $$ problems, not about where to spend but not enough for this and that. Then probably the boy will have white hair like me at a very young age. My wife and i will be worrying about bills, fees, all the liability. Getting filthy rich is not what i desired, i just wanna reach a state that my family is comfortable with our lifestyle. That will be enough for me. I wanna spend time with my son, see him grow up to be a man of character and integrity like his DAD =P hahaha
I think i am still very far from the above dream..... so what to do but to work hard.... "HOPE FOR THE BEST, PREPARE FOR THE WORST" hahaha
.... my chest is aching, damn.... =) think i am losing energy, getting old liao.... weyling always say that i am nonsense, maybe its true, but i am really losing energy wat...Its 2304pm, time to end good night

Regards
dreamwaters

what lies ahead......

Yesterday my boss LTC Seah Cheng soon asked me to go into his office for a interview, normal chat about my leaving of the service. He is still the same guy saying his same old "by and large, by and large" make me feel like laughing throughout the entire interview.

Seems that a person when he reached a certain age he will become smarter and observant. He is a typical example. maybe due to my maturity in age and seniority in the service, i do not feel much pression talking to him anymore. Just like another fatherly figure in my chapter of life.
We started talking about my stay in DETC, what i take away from this stay and what did i saw and felt. Seriously, throughout my life as a young officer in the army, i went through lots of nonsense and shit that probably no one would understand. i learn this theory, i would like to call it kenny's theorom "Experience and punishment is nothing without a lesson learnt" i learnt a lot of lessons apparently =P
everybody was telling its a bad choice to leave the army now, times are bad, better stay put and see how the situation goes. To be frank, i have seen people come and leave the army, there are also people who stay because of the stability of the job, some cant bear to leave because of its pay. Like Kelly, he told me that he cant bear to leave because of the good pay and the working pace. Ray told me that he is planning to get married to a few more years time with his current girlfriend, which is a good thing. Then there are people who would pose me back a question such as "what are you goin to do outside?" Seriously speaking, until today when people ask me this question again and again.... i still do not have an answer, but the answer will always be, anywhere is better than here, i have no fire nor desire to work for anyone in this place, and WORKING IS ABOUT FIRE AND DESIRE!!! but i do hope to get a job in the sales sector, afterall thats what i am good at "TALKING"

LTC Seah asked me why did i signed on?? What a fantastic question!!!! i also asked myself a thousand times, but the answer was not convincing..... or was it too convincing, somehow no matter how i see my life it always surrounds the S-11 issues, i understand that its a phase in life, a process of making me stronger.... but this process sometimes is painful and excruciating, maybe i am more immune to all this shit already, lucky i got a few good men with me.... =) dave always there to remind me of the correct track BY ASKING ME LOTS OF QUESTIONS, he just dun get it that i am a stupid boy. Simon always encourages me, no matter i am right or wrong. Kel always reminds me that i am alive, YK giving me good and solid advices. Kiong the funny guy but always sees him when something requires him to be ard. derrick and CK always very busy, look forward to seeing them everything, miss them very much, although sometimes you would realli feel like kicking Ck in his ass. People always says that in life, if you have one good friend thats very lucky already.... well i have 7. :)

hey i think if this is a compo, i think i have failed already.... hahahahha from a interview become talking about my brothers...

Leaving the service is going to be a big and huge chapter of my life, looking forward to a journey of uncertainty is making me very excited. At the same time, finding a path that genuinely belongs to you, is an experience that you would never be able to calibrate with $$... Of course when it comes with it, who would mind. =)

Think i am getting old and nagging already, its 2300hrs now, after Auldreay intro this forum of self expression to me, i think i can become a writer soon.... its like asking a parrot to write down what he has to say in words hahahaha. Tomo still gonna work.... Auldreay is trying to teach the comp idiot how to add stuff to his blog =)

Regards
dreamwaters

Had this funny dream yesterday, felt like sharing....
i was in this room with 3 friends, couldnt see their faces. 4 of us was quarreling with this guy, which i have memory of. Suddenly, he took a knife and stab us all. "to be serious, I have no idea how he did that, one against 4, you got to be kidding, I even remember that he was only using a knife size of a fruit knife" whatever. I was lying there bleeding and thinking about wad my life had been through, all I could think of is "where will I go after this" its was a clear and vivid, so real.... Suddenly I got breathless and started feeling the compression of my body. Unwilling to go just like this, I stood up and walking around, seeing the remainder of my friends doin their normal routines, house chores " ya I know this sounds stupid". therefore I escape from the house, get help... after I went back, all of them were lying on the floor motionless.

I told Simon about it, he say that it is a sign of telling me to give yourself a second chance in life, the next question that ass hole asked me was, was I the person who stabbed you?? wtf!!! But the feeling of dying is so real, maybe its also telling me to cherish every moment of my life. Not until the last minute when you breath your last then start regretting what you have lost in life.

Such a seriously postin in my first blog.... hope to do better nxt time though... now i have to go on a secret mission.... for someone special.... after that i am goin for a run with david. he is always telling me that he can't run as fast as before, sad to say whenever he starts, i always cant seem to smell him, despite i have trained myself very very hard. =P

Regards
dreamwaters